Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Good day at school work. First ever compliment for drawing. Strange feeling to have done it. Very surreal. Angela and Del would be shocked I know. Especially since it was human figure sketching. I think it was luck. Nevertheless, I would have been beaming and bouncing around the place.

Past tense makes sense of it all. Have I grown insensitive to simple pleasures or am I just thrown too high in my own excitement. Of course, not for the 14th, but for the 15th. I see the technical one year, but also feel guilty for my large absence not just as right now, but for the past months. But I get down, so down when I sensed what would have been to end the conversation. Just like that? I felt like we barely spoke. Or have important dates just become unimportant? Or is it just me. Just, just me. I'm still really grateful for my boy but I cannot help but wonder on the other side of my world. I am so afraid of one sidedness, or rather that things are so big to me but so minute to the other. I need to be expressed to.

Feeling small,
outsized by anticipation.
Out of my body
looked back at what remains

A small shell
darkly overcast by expectation
Of what was to come,
what indeed?

What was the pre requisite?
what gift to present
what words to speak

Of course, of course
too naive to believe
That distance can actually be ok.

gwen blogged at 1:17 AM